Dating Techniques
Email Andrea at booklady@loveinloveout.com  or leave a message at 405.375.3803.

One of the major issues that comes up in the dating and relationship business is the subject of communication between two people. Often, two people dating do not successfully communicate because they have different styles of communicating, or they are ready for a different level of communication than their partner. Therefore, I think one of the most important aspects of dating that one should address is where one is in the “dating game”.

Are you new to dating? Or were you in a long term relationship and now suddenly find yourself single again? Are you an experienced dater? Are you “playing the field”? Or are you a one-man/one-woman dater?

First of all, people have different styles of dating. Some people go out and will scan the room for “the one”. If they can secure a date with any “one”, they focus solely on that person, attempting to get to know them and then solidify the partnership.

Others are “serial daters”, testing the waters and enjoying the nouvelle social contact every time they go out. Some people are serial daters by choice, consciously having chosen to “play the field” until the “Big Bang” hits them. Others date a lot of people, because things never seem to work out for them. They are experienced daters, but not necessarily by choice. They “try out” a lot of people, like trying on different hats, and eventually one fits, and then a relationship follows.

But many more are completely inexperienced, dropping all contacts with others once they have chosen a selected target for affection. They will decline all other invitations while waiting for the “chosen one” to expose their true colors. Then, he/she who waits will make the decision about whether to continue the relationship, sometimes after much disappointment and heartbreak. Expectations run high for these people, because they are putting their eggs all in one basket, so to speak.

Imagine the chaos, however, if you have a lady- or gent-in-waiting dating an experienced and avowed field-player. The one with the fewer options is undoubtedly going to experience unpleasant emotions, and many times will not move along with his or her life even though the object of their affections has moved on with theirs.

Many times the folks that like to date only one person have good motives. They want to get to know a person thoroughly, they want the relationship to grow, and they feel it’s only fair not to date anyone else. Meanwhile, their partner is moving right along. This causes a lot of doubt and heartache to the “slow dater”. The “fast dater” is trying every option, enjoying the social aspect—or the sex—and sometimes is not aware that some people he or she dates are at home waiting for them. (And sometimes, they are aware!)

At best, the disparity of dating techniques can cause trouble, heartaches, heartbreaks, jealous behavior, confrontation, and more. If you are single or newly single or have come from a long term relationship and you are of the more cautious, single-minded variety, it is probably best for you to pick similar people to date. I am not saying that you can’t find a partner from the experienced dater venue, but you are more likely to grow and have emotional experiences in common with others like yourself. Those playing the field should probably date those playing the field. That way, the things one does with many other partners is all consensual and acceptable and won’t hurt anyone’s feelings.

Or, I advise to learn a new technique.  Join a group and get to know alot of people before committing yourself to date or be in a relationship.  Learn to lighten up, and then your life will lighten up too!